Newsletter July 2007

The beginning of July was spent running around, climbing stairs, lifting, moving, digging and driving to and fro because as from the 16th after surgery on both feet I would be immobile until October. I have always wanted beautiful feet; the kind that step out encased in dainty, diamante, strappy extravaganzas, that tick-tack across sun dappled marble floors, and from which expensive champagne is drunk. My husband says that when I was being created the design team did a great job until they got down to my ankles when they were called off on another job and a clumsy apprentice was left to finish me off. It is ironic that I am so well known for singing barefoot. I decided as this was the year of celebration that I would give myself a treat and have corrective surgery.

I have always loved the Hans Christian Anderson fairytale, ‘The Little Mermaid.’ Like her, I was willing to go through the pain to have lovely feet that could dance all night with the Prince, just like all the other human beings. I am not saying that the surgeon, Dr Lloyd Williams, the anaesthetist, Sean White and the theatre sister were ugly sea witches but they put me under a spell and when I woke up my feet had changed.

I was in seventh heaven. Starting off a bit timid with the self administered morphine drip I soon got into the swing of it. When I was discharged from hospital I was issued with a pair of huge geisha style shoes to heel hobble on, a set of crutches to keep my balance, two condom-like rubber leg tubes to shower in and a self-propelled wheelchair to get around Waitrose. I looked like the victim of an orthopaedic summer clearance sale.

Two weeks later the nurse took off my dressings and I looked down at my new feet for the first time. The swollen, misshapen, yellow and bruised appendages on the ends of my legs were completely alien. I wanted my ugly old feet back! I realised that I could never have a face lift – I would probably reject it and never be able to look in a mirror again. As she redressed the wounds the nurse encouraged me to bond with my new feet, to massage, moisturise and get familiar with them. So I am doing just that, they are getting prettier every day and by October I will have a grand unveiling of the remodelled tootsies.